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hello , thank you posting it here too . i have long come to realize that so many people here are survivors of abuse ,,,,but it is a "taboo" among the insiders here it'seems . i find it brave to see you open up and in a way embrace the resulting stimuli . ,,,,,,,but i am sorry for your ruined childhood . be good M .
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Thanks for sharing this.. Hopefully, it was a bit therapeutic for you to write it and post it.. It seems obvious to the world that there is no shame in being the victim of another's criminal mind.. Yet, that shame somehow cannot be talked away with any amount of support.. But, the notion of repetition reinforcing certain behavior offers one path you might focus on.. Perhaps you can use your masturbation sessions to construct a fantasy that is less shamed by the event; More proud of the "survivor" you are and the woman who can understand such sophisticated thoughts; Less about sex being harmfull and needing shame; More about you ARE in control; .. There is a long tradition about psychologists telling patients with known issues, to "behave normally".. The simple command to act normally helps them perform in a more normal fashion.. If you think you can visualize a more healthy, or preferred, sexual behavior, why not script it.. For the sake of discussion, let's say you no longer want males to be so aggressive, but instead, you want to incorporate a more docile, loving, attentive male.. Then, next time you are masturbating, let your typical thoughts get you in the mood, but once there, begin to bring the script into play.. Use the arousal you've created to now reinforce the healthier dynamic you've desired.. Some psychologists are quite negative toward "behavior modification", as they claim it does not deal with the underlying problem.. Then there is Woody Allen who has been in psycho analysis for 60 years and still has the same underlying problems.. In any event, you are on the path to recovery simply because you are so well informed on your issues.. I wish you the greatest success in solving what you want to solve..
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Thank you for your insight, it was very thought-provoking.
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