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In the fall of 2008, I had sex for the first time in 15 years and have learned again how great it can feel. My sexual experience has been mostly traditional and conservative, with some experimentation in the last year. I'm interested in experimenting some more, but not in rushing wildly into it.
[COLOR tomato]NOTE: The above is a slightly modified version of what I wrote for my profile when I first came to alt. I'm happy to have you read it, but please consider the statement that follows as the one that more truly represents me now.[/COLOR]
I'm a submissive. Until recently, the profile I had here was the one I wrote just after joining alt, when I knew almost nothing about BDSM, and now, 16 months later, it no longer accurately reflects who I am; I realized this because I've been taken aback by the several e-mails that have arrived lately from people commenting on my "innocence" or "sweetness" and offering kindly (or some, not so kindly) to help educate me as to how to fill the role they envision for me.
So I think it's time--and past time--that I revise my profile, to reflect the person that I am now.
I [I]am[/I] a submissive. But I'm still a human being, and I believe I deserve the same courtesy and respect that's owing to all human beings. If you offer that to me, I will certainly return it...and probably in a greater degree, for I'm normally a very courteous and gentle person and someone who likes to help others and to bring happiness and pleasure. I have a plentiful store of love and affection to give and, when I care for someone, I take pleasure in doing or giving things that I think would please that person. This has always been true in my "vanilla" life, and it's true in my BDSM life.
This is not to say that I want courtesy 24/7. After all, I'm here on alt. There are times when I can rejoice in someone being firm with me, perhaps even harsh...showing by his strength that he can master me when he wishes and when I have consented to his having that authority over me. For yes, I believe in a relationship's being SSC (safe, sane, and consensual).
But I do not and will not consent to a relationship that is primarily harsh. I might respond well to it for a while, but I can guarantee that this while will not be long. There is a streak of toughness in me and an ability to stand back and evaluate, and I will do that with relationships as well as with literary, philosophical, or other theoretical problems. And if I don't like what I see, I will leave...though at least attempt to do so with courtesy and dignity
But my apologies...when starting to write this, I hadn't really intended it to turn into "quietly's manifesto," just to be a statement about who I am now, so that you, Gentle Reader, can get a sense of the person who's writing it.
No doubt eventually I'll also get around to revising the answers I gave to the "additional responses," but I'm not up to it today, so they may well stay in their original "newbie" form for a while. But, because that's not quite fair to you as a seeker after knowledge, I'll add a bit to supersede the information there. I have participated in some scenes; I now know what a dungeon party is and have been to several; and I have joined and am moderately active in the local BDSM group.
I now know, not quite infinitely, but much much more about BDSM than I knew when I joined alt, but there is still much that I don't know--a lot of which I'd like to experience at least to some extent.
If you'd like to be the person to teach me, please bring honesty, kindness, courtesy, and some gentleness with you. And I very much prefer to be with people who are intelligent and love to read, laugh, and discuss ideas and the world in general.
(A Postscript: After writing, please consider using alt's spell check. True, it's limited in some ways and can offer some strange substitutions--would you believe that for "Agghhh," it suggested that I use "egghead"? But generally, a letter to me that shows some care in matters like that will go further than one that doesn't.)
[if254 1]
Mi persona ideal:
For the most part, you can look to the above essay for this information. But I will add a very few items here. First, if you want a relationship with me, I'd prefer that you either not be married (my first choice) or, if you are married, that you be in an open marriage (second choice), for I strongly dislike the thought that my activities could bring pain to another woman.
Second, my preference is for a long-term relationship, but NOT for 24/7. I've been married and had quite enough, thank you, of a relationship that involved full-time interaction, compromise, and caretaking. I have interests beyond BDSM, and I like having the time and freedom to attend to them without having to consult other people.
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